Sheffield, as it turns out, is my ancestral homeland. My great-great grandmother and her husband, along with much of their families before them, were born here. But Sheffield became so much more than a plot on my family tree, it became my home. A home that I never want to leave. You see, the last 365 days didn’t go how I thought they would, and I guess that was to be expected. They were more agonizing than I could have anticipated, yet full of more love than I knew my heart could expand to contain.

You see, people became more important than places. Because of that, I attended weddings instead of Disneyland, went to King Fisher rather than Cornwall, and visited “new” friends in London as opposed to Scottish moorlands. So when you ask me why I didn’t travel more and see more while I lived in England, I’ll tell you that it was because I was too busy cultivating relationships to be bothered with seeing sights that could never fill my soul with half as much love as the people of Sheffield did. 

The more you grow, live, travel and learn, the more you experience the pain that comes with love. Your ability to care for others increases beyond what you knew possible. And with increased capacity for love, comes increased capacity for pain. Because as time goes on, I leave again. Loving people is truly a soul stretching experience, beautiful and bitter all the same. 

Ironically, my experience in England became one of cultural fusion. The large population of Chinese students here brought with them a sense of familiarity for me. I learned how to make tǔdòu sī (my favorite Chinese side-dish) and dumplings from scratch! I was introduced to K-Dramas and (reintroduced to) K-Pop. I made friends from around the globe, from Chengdu to Pocatello and everywhere in between, but it was England that brought us all together. We were in the right place at the right time, and I’ll be eternally grateful. 

“You’re so lucky.” Some have said. But it’s far from true. Having the courage to live your dreams is terrifying and fraught with uncertainty. No, I’m not lucky, I have been blessed with vision and drive. I accomplish my goals (not unaided, to be sure), and more often than not it’s taken blood, sweat and tears to do so. But it has always been worth it. 

So after one glorious year, my favorite meal is a reyt good Proper Pasty and I’ll probably be well mad that I can’t pop down to Toby Carvery when I’m craving a Yorkshire pudding. Hendos is an essential ingredient in any self respecting shepherd’s pie, and gravy goes on everything. I mean it, everything. Chips and mayonnaise hit the spot every time, and Dandelion & Burdock will always be my beverage of choice. But don’t worry, I still constantly manage to get in the “wrong” side of the car, and raise eyebrows when I talk about how I need a new pair of fancy work pants. 

Nesh. 
Naff. 
Mardy. 
Bin.
Bloomin’. 
Ta. 
Chuffed.
Cheers.
Duck. 
Mate.
Love. 
Hiyaaa. 

It’s a culture of overly polite, brutally honest, kind hearted people that just can’t be bothered and I will absolutely have culture shock when I go “home”. 

Home. That word has transformed in meaning for me. It definitely does not signify a singular location. It’s a feeling you have when you’re around souls that you connect with. Places merely become associated with the people you love so dearly. 

So if I get back to the States and I tell you that I’ve thrown something in the “bin” or that I’m “well excited” to go to Walmart, please don’t roll your eyes. I’ve just spent a year soaking up South Yorkshire. Full of the most celestial people I’ve ever had the privilege of meeting. So if you’re reading this, and we’ve crossed paths in England, yes - I’m talking about you. ​

[​Originally published August 2017]

Packing. It's proving to be a "trial by fire" type scenario. I know what you're thinking, "Kadee! You've moved several times. You've even lived out of the country before!" Okay, you might not be thinking exactly that, but I definitely am. 

Here's the deal, moving across the country is one thing, but moving across the world is another. Now, let me pause you - living in China was very temporary. One suitcase, 8 business-casual outfits to teach in and enough t-shirts to explore the countryside in, and I was set! I didn't even bring hair products! But moving house and relocating to another country for an indefinite (shhhh, don't tell my mom) amount of time has me doing some serious soul searching as far as "needs" and "wants" are concerned. 

I swear I've had a good purge at least three times since I moved home in April, yet somehow I keep needing to downsize. Where's the humanity?! Miraculously, I managed to get nearly everything I needed into two medium sized boxes and two medium sized suitcases. I'm going to pull a George Banks (If you haven't seen Father of the Bride stop reading immediately and educate yourself, please) and tell you that it cost me $450 to ship all that glorious crap to England. #WorthIt 

Now please, don't hate me. But I can genuinely say that getting in to grad school has been the easiest part of this entire process. I know, a shock to me as well, seeing as how it was the most meticulous, detail oriented thing I'd ever done in my life. But I can absolutely assure you, that obtaining my Visa to the United Kingdom was most assuredly the most painstaking and difficult experience of my life. Hands down. If you can figure out how to successfully navigate obtaining a visa and making it to your final destination, you 200% deserve to be there (still crossing my fingers that I make it there alive). I've never filled out so much paperwork or needed so many documents. 

But, here we are - the final countdown. Less than two weeks to go and I've processed almost every emotion possible. Excitement. Terror. Doubt. Fear. Nostalgia. Thrill. Regret. Yet here I stand thinking, "Let's do this thing!". I've registered for orientation, I've sorted my belongings, I've filed my paperwork. GET ME TO ENGLAND! I'm as terrified as I am thrilled to start this new journey. Am I mentally or emotionally prepared for 15 credits of stats classes? Probably not. But am I totally ready utilize those 24/7 library hours? Absolutely!